Children often bring friends home and sometimes their behaviour annoys parents. Noisy games, bad habits or impolite guests can all make you angry.
Maybe the friend is rude, opinionated or takes food without permission. Or maybe it’s just a bad influence on your child.
Banning communication is easy, but rarely effective. There are three simple ways to handle the situation without conflict.
Educator and coach Sue Atkins and actress and mother of four Ria Lina share their experiences.
1. Find out why a friend is annoying
It’s important to understand: is it something serious – disrespect, bullying, aggressive behaviour – or just a minor annoyance?
Atkins advises first doing a “self-check” to separate what’s annoying from what’s harmful.
“If there is a threat – harassment or dangerous behaviour – when I don’t let my kids do that, there is tension.
Sometimes it’s helpful to just talk to a friend’s parents – that way you can find a compromise that everyone is happy with.
2. Speak up, not forbid it
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The worst thing to do is to simply forbid your child from talking to a friend.
Atkins explains, “That way, you’re not teaching them how to build healthy friendships and explaining why you shouldn’t spend time with that child.”
An abrupt ban can work like a boomerang: the child will, on the contrary, see the friend more often to prove something to you.
Rather, ask why she likes this friend. What do they have in common? What do they like to do together?
Listening to your child doesn’t endorse the friendship, but it builds trust.
“Choose the right moment to talk, watch your tone and gestures,” Atkins advises. Children often go through different stages, and sometimes it’s worth just observing them for a few weeks or months before intervening.
“Sometimes it’s just a friend for the holidays,” says Atkins.
The best way to influence your child is by example.
By talking about your friends and showing respect, kindness, and healthy psychological boundaries in the relationship, you help your child understand what true friendship should be.
And then the child is more likely to follow suit.